I am the coach of a girls recreational softball team, as well as an all-star team during the summer. I should be a role model to these girls. They go out and they practice with me, sometimes 4-5 nights a week. They give up their weekends, their entire summers even, because they have a passion for the game. And they look to me to lead them. Their parents pay money for their children to participate, and they haul their daughters to and from practice every night, and pay money to stay in hotels for out of town tournaments. And they leave their daughters in my hands. Everyone believes in me. That I have the skills necessary to lead these girls to success. And they are correct. I do. But I do have fault, and to me it is huge. Being overweight and unhealthy does not allow me to do things I should be able to do. As the coach, role model, and leader of this team, I should be able to do everything that I am asking these girls to do for me. How can I possibly expect these girls to listen to me when I cant even do the task to begin with. Sure, I can throw and catch a ball with the best of them. And I can get in that batters box and hit those same balls the girls are hitting. But when I send them for a run, and I don't go with them, what kind of example am I setting? And it isn't because I don't want to. I am ashamed to admit, that I cant. So my first goal for this Health Kwest is to be able to run with my girls. To be able to keep up with them. It is important for them to trust me in all aspects of the game, and therefor this is my number one goal.
My second goal is to adapt a way of healthy eating that will stick with me long after the challenge has ended. To be able to eat the fruits and vegetables and not be the one who gets fast food every night. I want to rid myself of the desires for a cheeseburger. To not feel like I absolutely need that bar of chocolate. To drink my recommended amounts of water every day and not feel like I am going to have the worst day ever if I do not get to drink a soda. This goal is already closer than I ever thought possible. Simply because of this Genghis Grill challenge. I find myself going to dinner and on most nights ordering water. I find myself trying new vegetables and adding more and more veggies to each bowl every time. I am already changing what I am purchasing at the grocery store when I go shopping. I am finding myself trying to stick to the outside of the store where the fresh fruits and vegetable are and where the meats are, and trying to stay away from the center aisles where all the processed foods are. Staying away from the cookies and candies and boxed foods. For years when I dieted, I thought the secret to success was portion control. So I would eat literally nothing but things that were pre-portioned. Unfortunately those foods were frozen dinners in a box. And packaged cookies and crackers and granola bars that were of an "allowable" portion size, but of zero nutritional value. I now know that I can eat far far more food when it is made up of fruits and veggies and fresh meats for the same amount of calories than I was able to have eating my old way. So while this goal is already well in the making, I realize I have a lot more to learn, and I am hoping to use the remainder of my 60 days to complete this goal.
My final goal during this Health Kwest is to improve my attitude towards myself. When it comes to being over weight, I am extremely bitter. I realize that I am constantly looking down on myself. I am not happy with my weight and therefor I am not comfortable with me. My goal is to change this. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to look in the mirror and be ok with what I see staring back at me. I want to be accepting of myself. I want to stop tormenting my husband and my friends by making snarky comments about how fat I am, half the time because I seriously mean it, and the other half of the time because I am desperately seeking for someone to tell me I am not fat. Even though I know I am. I want it to no longer be about my weight. I want to learn to let go of the number on the scale and accept myself for who I am, no matter what. Big or small, this is me. I can change along the way in order to feel better, but I need to realize that when I am happy with myself, and accepting of myself, the people around me are much happier as well. When I am accepting, I am less likely to make the snarky comments that push people away from me. This goal for me happens when I accomplish my first 2 goals as well. I believe once I can complete goal 1, and I am able to incorporate goal number 2 into my everyday habits, goal number three will come almost naturally. When I see what I can accomplish just by trying, I am bound to realize what I am capable of. And when I realize what I am capable of, I believe I will become more comfortable and accepting of myself, because I am an incredible person. I just need to realize this ALL the time. Not just when the mood strikes me.
So, with that said, say hello to the first picture of the new and improved me... beginning today, this is now the face of someone who will find something to love about themselves every day.
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