Do Not Pass Go... Do Not Collect $200

Another Binge...  Blah!

I am smack dab in the middle of a very nice three day weekend and while I wish I could say we went somewhere extravagant like rafting down the Nile river or something, the break away from work was good enough for me. 

Unfortunately, being away from work also takes me away from my routine.  I usually make the effort to walk during my breaks and lunch at work racking up my 10,000 plus steps before I even get into my truck to drive home.   THIS DID NOT HAPPEN!

I cannot entirely blame the 3 day weekend for my indiscretions.  Plural.  It started earlier this week.  Those damn Valentines Day Cup Cakes at work.  And because the first one didn't send me into sugar europhia, I did what any normal human being would do in my situation.  That's right...  I licked the frosting off a second one.  And remained completely unashamed in doing so.  

And so the story begins....

By this morning I had eaten myself into oblivion.  Seriously...  If it was eatable.  I ate it.  

Now I would never blame my weight or eating habits on anyone but myself. And I'd like to think I usually eat pretty healthy, but my husband eats whatever he wants.  And I must confess there are days (the last 4 for instance) where I wish I could do the same thing and not gain an ounce.  I must have assumed this to be true because during my binge I found myself consuming things like a wood chipper.  Shoving things like donuts and toast slathered in Nutella into my mouth as fast as my teeth could turn them into pulp. 

When the entire package of Mega Stuffed Oreos went missing in the night, my husband either did not notice, or kindly pretended he didn't.  I think maybe he thinks this is something that women just do.  Occasionally plunging head first into a giant bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, turning them into a tornado of chocolate wrappers, like in the Cathy comics.  

Now... Immediately following a binge  I am filled with a great deal of guilt over what I have just done to my body. What I have done to sabotage everything I have worked so hard all week to accomplish. And also because there are starving people in the world and I can't resist this horrendous compulsion to shove spoonfuls of Mac n Cheese into my face so quickly I can't even taste it. And I wasn't even hungry.  

I fantasize about living in a place where all my food choices are made for me...

Like Jail!

I Want Candy

This week sucked.  Seriously.  

Between my wacked out emotions, goodbyes, hellos and nice to meet yous, I am surprised I made it through the week in one piece.  Maybe I should not speak so soon. 

It wasn't entirely bad.  It never is.  But in retrospect, the bad definitely outweighed,  with no pun intended.  

I'll start with the good. Of course I'm always thankful for my friends and family and all of the wonderful days I get to spend with my husband and kids. They are always on the good side, even when my kids are being bad.    I am also happy to report...

I got the promotion I applied for. (And looked damn good doing it too!) This was certainly cause for celebration.  Now how did I celebrate?  

Bring on the bad.  

Like a Girls Gone Wild episode of The Best Thing I Ever Ate, my inner fat girl did everything in her power to find the best thing "she" ever ate.  And she denied herself nothing. 

As it turns out, the Toasted Marshmallow Smores cheesecake is still by far the best thing ever.  But that wasn't for lack of trying.  I worked very hard to find it a worthy opponent.  Unfortunately, nothing came close.  At least not during this run. 

Sadly I must report that the "healthiest" meal I ate this week looked exactly like this...

Equally sad... The healthiest thing I can say about said meal is that it was "gluten free". 

Big F-ing deal!

And why the binge this time? (That apparently lasted for days instead of just hours.)  I wish I knew.  I have racked the inner depths of my being to find a decent answer.  All I can come up with is that my need for an extremely intense carbogasm was much greater than my actual desire to be thin. 

I recall having this exact conversation with a friend this week at work.  "I wish I was thin."  I remember saying to her.  I immediately followed that statement with, "well I guess that isn't entirely true otherwise I'd stop shoving all this shit in my mouth that makes me fat to begin with."  She didn't have to agree with me.  We both knew I was right. 

And so after many cookies and donuts and terrible meals.  And let's not forget the cheesecake.  I stand here trying to shove my ever expanding ass into my favorite pair of jeans.  Certainly I must realize they are 1 Oreo away from being too small. (Maybe 2). 

If I know I can do this.  And I know it is completely within my control.  Why don't I do it?   

What is stopping me?

Nothing today.  Today is a good day. Maybe today is "the" day.  Today is always the best day to start.